Side note before I begin: I decided the meditation 'debriefings' needed their own blog, so if you are looking for more of these posts they can be found at greenteakindofday@blogspot.com..
There, now 'getting back to me'...

Today I started using the Wii Fit. Interesting, and there things I both love and hate about it.. Firstly, I think it's great that you set goals for yourself, and that they are measureable. What a great way to keep on track! Although I can also see how annoying this might get if I decide to slack a bit.. BUT that's the point right? I set a goal for myself that I wanted to lose 10lbs in the next 3 months...which would be middle of May. Doable? I believe so! The other great thing is that you can adjust your goal if need be, but I like that goal and would like to stick with it..The exercises are fun and I can see playing them with company over too or with my daughter as she gets to be a bit bigger. It's something I think has lasting capabilities in our house, however I don't see it as something that will be used on a daily basis..but more of a 'fun toy' every so often. That being said, I am going to try to use it as often as possible to reach my goal, and then we'll see where it goes. Besides, by May I'll be able to go outside for exercise which is what I would prefer anyway..
A few dislikes; For the 20 minutes I actually spent exercising, it took me the better part of an hour to navigate through the system, with positive messages and tips along the way. I would much rather if they gave these tips to me after the entire workout.. that way I can choose to skip if I don't have time and yet it's still measuring my results for me.. I originally that this would be something I could do before work in the mornings, but it will take me too long.. I think I'll stick with my 20 minute Yoga DVD, or my 'walk away the lbs' which is also 20 minutes. So my challenge is now trying to find a time when I can utilize this fantastic weight loss tool, with many obstacles in the way, including a 2 year old, a husband and one television that we all share in the evenings. Also, Wednesdays I have Zumba which I'll mark as my daily dose of exercise, and Thursdays I have my Meditation classes, which is just a different form of exercise..probably won't help with the weight loss department, however it's said to help improve cravings and how we see food.
So as you can see I'm still struggling with this whole weight issue. The problem isn't that I'm overweight, in fact, Wii Fit told me today I was within a 'healthy and normal BMI' for my age. The issue is that I'm not feeling as good as I used to in a bathingsuit, and yet I love food too much to give up all the deliciousness I crave so much! Around the time of my wedding I was doing so well, and I lost 6lbs in a month! But then the weight slowly krept back during the Fall and now that it's February, I'm back to the size I was pre-wedding diet. But that's ok! I have a plan for the next few months that I'm hoping will motivate me to be leaner and fitter and overall happier. I have three weddings to go to this summer, two of which I am a bridesmaid. This means dress fittings, lots of pictures etc. HUGE motivation to lose the weight! Also, I'm wanting to start trying for another baby shortly after those weddings, and the last thing I want is to tack more weight on my body and have double to lose when I've had a 2nd child. If I think I don't have time to work out NOW then I definitely won't have any time to try to lose weight post 2nd baby..
So today marks the beginning (in Wii land anyhow).. February 13th..as good a day as any to begin.. 10lbs down in 3 months. May 13th. Everytime I go for an unhealthy snack I will just think MAY 13!!! Here goes!

I've been taking meditation classes on Thursday evenings, and so here I am fresh from my class, wanting a place to debrief..so here goes..
We pile into a small room that used to be somewhat of a library when I was a kid. But now it's filled with exercise balls, yoga mats, positive messages posted all over the walls, and a big open space to be filled with your pastime-du-jour. Our teacher is a round faced gentle speaking woman in her mid 30's. She's not what I typically thought of when I signed up for Meditation classes. I expected an asian monk in white robes guiding me towards a pure mind. Instead this kind woman sits at the head of the class, joking about scenarios we deal with in a day, but yet constantly driving home the message of obtaining a virtuous mind.
Last week was my first class, and we talked about 'watching your mind' and choosing your thoughts. And so that is exactly what I did, and something strange happened...I really started noticing how negative I actually am. And if what she says is true, this negativity is leaking into other aspects of my life; my health, my relationships etc. And for what? Why so angry at such meaningless situations? Last week she told us to choose a 'goal' to meditate on and mine was that I wanted to see more beauty in each day. Eventually, I'd like to go through each day with the attitude of awe and love, and not annoyance and sarcasm. Eventually I'd like to remove myself from situations that cause my mind to harm others with my thoughts and words. I'd like to see everyone for who they are and not just the person I perceive them to be by putting my negative characteristics on them.
Last Friday after I awoke from my meditative evening and deep sleep that allows follows those classes. I remembered my intent for each day. And as I was driving to work, the sun was just coming up, and as I stopped at the stop light I peered across the frozen lake and noticed a bear running from the lake into the woods. I couldn't believe my eyes! I'm so glad I chose to keep my mind alert to those types of things, otherwise I would've been busying myself at the stop light checkign my makeup in the rearview mirror, switching the radio etc. It truly was an amazing sight to see. As the week went on there were other things that caught my eye as well and so I'm glad that it's working so far. Our teacher was right, if you set an intent in your mind, and consciously be aware of it, it will happen.

Now onto tonight's discussion: Dealing with the Drama.

I was shocked to see the class size practically double from last week, but also slightly disapointed to see that they were mostly new people. Just a few of us returned from last week and I wondered why. Because the teacher is from out of town she didn't realise that the crowd was diffrerent, only that it had grown. But I noticed, and it bothered me which I guess is a lesson in itself. Why do I care what other people think of this class? Is it going to shape how I feel about it? I am on this journey because it's something I want to do for myself, so why should it matter if someone else didn't get anything out of it? But anyway..

Tonight's lesson was all about building drama's in our minds before anything ever happens in reality. We stew over things that are so miniscule 'what did she mean by that?' and create this huge drama inside our heads. Then when we see that person next time, we already have this preconceived notion about them that we've put on them. If you think about it, poor them! They can never win us over because we've already painted them as the 'bad guy'. She also gave the example of putting your hand inside the fire and getting burned. Well in reality, we all know that fire burns, and so we would never get mad at the fire. We might feel the pain and get iritated with ourselves for putting our hand too close, but it's not the fire's fault. That's what fire does; burns. So why get mad at a loved one for something that might have always been in their nature. For example, a husband that doesn't pick up his socks. Yes it's irritating, but when you first got together with him, it wasn't so bad...so why now is it the worst thing in the world! I can tell you from experience that nagging and yelling definitely doesn't rectify the situation. So why get mad? So this week I'm going to work on removing myself from situations before they turn into dramas, and also to continue to focus on virtuous objects throughout the day instead of focusing on negative thoughts.
Here goes!

A change is happening, a shift inside me. It's hard to explain but I'll do my best to describe it. I've noticed it the last two days, which is odd because we're only 2 days into the New Year. It's definitely not one of those New Year's resolution kind of shifts, because I've never experienced this before. I've had glimpses of it; once when I was just a new mother, and I drove to the next town, I forget what for now, but as I drove this feeling came over me of sheer happiness. I had nowhere to be, no expectations of the day...I just saw that day for what it was; a beautiful day, with sun shining, snow melting, my baby and I driving, and all was calm and good. That lasted only a minute or so though, and yet these last two days that is all I have felt.

I noticed it yesterday as I was flipping through the channels on TV. I wasn't listening to the words they were saying, but rather focusing on the season in the background, and drawing my own fond memories of that season. For example, it was raining in one scene, I thought about the last good rain we've had here, and what I like to do on rainy days. And then I switched to a channel showing people on the beach and I thought 'ahh summer, I can't wait'. And these feelings washed over me of every summer I've ever had. It was amazing. Today, ( a dreery kind of day mind you) I drove to the grocery store and with coffee in hand I breathed deeply and thought 'ok, let's do this!' And as I shopped I really thought about each food I was choosing..where it came from, how many ingredients, and I found that I was drawn more to 'earthy foods'. Let me remind you this is not a New Year's resolution, I have no idea where this is coming from, but I'm enjoying this inner peace. It's almost as if my soul has made this resolution and forgot to tell me about it!

I started this blog as a new mother trying to lose weight and find her focus again, and now I'm heading into year 3 as a Mom, and I finally feel that I've found my old self again, and yet I'm changing every day. I can only hope this feeling of contentment stays within me, and I can learn to curb my focus each day to the things that matter to me. With practice and meditation I am learning to quiet my thoughts and choose my reactions to daily events. I'm excited to learn how to love everyone in my life for who they are. And to remove those negative ideas I've held over them for years.

Your world is what you create it to be. If you see beauty in others, they will see beauty in you.

2011 begins...with rain.

Another year upon us. It's amazing to see all the positive messages on social networks, it's interesting to see this shift happening, where more and more of us are truly counting our blessings. I took a moment last night to look back at 2010, and the best moments..my sister's wedding and my own. Both of our babies turned 1, a new house and job for me. My brother's engagement. Overall, my family has had an amazing year, with health and wealth and happiness all around. It makes me believe 2011 can be even more wonderful so long as we keep positive and see all of our blessings for what they are. My brother will marry this July, and two of my good friends will also marry this summer. I'm hoping for baby news later this year from a few friends and family (myself included). More reno's to our house, and some summer holidays to relax at our beach. I can already see it all unfolding and the anticipation is a wonderful feeling. What more could a girl ask for?

Before the holidays I had two very strong messages 'sent' to me, and I'm trying to keep those in the forefront of my thoughts as this new year begins. The first message; I went to a Medium with my parents just a week before Christmas, and he looked at me and instantly said that I take on way too much. He had my personality down to a T. He validated that I get stressed out and take it out on loved ones, and that I need to cut back on all of those stressors. So, with that in mind I gave my notice at my (3rd) job. It felt so good to let something go, like a big weight lifted from my shoulders. And the thing is that I don't even need the money, I was doing it because I felt an obligation. Because I didn't want to leave anyone 'hanging', but can honestly say I feel better now that I have done it.
My 2nd 'message' first came with an email and phone call from Deepak Chopra's centre, inviting me to come to their workshop this Spring. I get these message often, and if I had the money and could afford the time off I had always been interested in going, however it's not feasible so I deleted both and went on with my day.But then I logged on to facebook and there was a message from a friend advertising a Budhist Meditation evening in our town, and so I asked her for details and I went home thinking about it but once again decided I couldn't take the time away from the house / little one at home etc. When I got home my Mom called and asked if she could spend some time with my daughter, and so I told her of the message(s) and she said 'clearly it's a sign that you should be going'. And so I did. And I'm so thankful that I did. In that hour I learned more about myself, my anger, my feelings towards others and how to deal with them, than I have in a really long time. It was so theraputic for me and I felt a strong sense of calmness when I returned. In fact, that night I slept a deep sleep and dreamt such vivid dreams, something that hasn't happened in a really long time.. I even find myself telling others of this experience which sparks such interesting conversations. I knew this was something I needed to do, and so now as 2011 begins, I've signed up to do every Thursday evening, and we shall see where it goes from here..
Here's hoping for a beautiful year

one pure moment...

With the holidays coming, I've been started to stress out a little. And so the other day I decided that I need to relax, and that I'm getting worked up over things that in the grand scheme of things, is really very unimportant. Days will end and a new one always begins, and with it a new chance to get it right. So at the end of each day now, I think back over the day to any one moment I had that I truly felt at ease, or blessed, or purely happy. And since I've been recognizing these moments, I've noticed how many pure moments we actually have in the day. For example today; I'm home with child today because she was violently ill last night with the flu. Poor little bean has been so sick, and so I called in to my work to let them know I wouldn't be coming in. We had a visit at the Dr's this morning, which (to my surprize) went really well. He explained it wasn't anything terrible and just a virus that needs to run it's course. It was on the drive home, while babes was beginning to fall asleep in the back of the car, and I realized that the day was actually quite beautiful. It's sunny outside today (a rarity for Muskoka this time of year). But not only that, but yesterday had been a horrible snow storm leaving all the trees covered with thick heavy white snow. It truly was a winter wonderland. And as I drove peacefully down the road I started noticing blue jays on each bare branch I saw. I must have counted at least 10 on my drive home. They really are a beautiful bird, so bright and when noticed they actually stand out against the bland barren trees with such bright feathers. So as we come into the holiday season, I'm starting to really notice just how fortunate I am to be living in this beautiful part of the country, to be healthy and happy, to have very little (real) worries, and to have so many friends and loved ones around me. I encourage everyone to look around them for at least one pure moment in every day, and if you can have that, than everything will be alright...

It's Halloween today. Its so nice to see our family traditions unfold before our eyes. And each year (so far) it becomes even more exciting. Last night we carved the pumpkin, and to see my little bean's face as we scooped out the seeds, and carved the face, she was so curious. Last year she was only 10 months old, so even though we still carved a jackolantern back then too, this year was priceless, and I can only imagine next year will be even better. Today I took our daughter to her first (ever) Halloween party. To see 10 little toddlers running around a play room in costumes is once again priceless. And its so neat to see her actually interacting with others her age, and almost forgetting that I'm even in the room. I'm anxious to see how tonight unfolds, as we take her for her first trick-or-treating experience, and then I guess it's on to Christmas!

It's been just over a month since I've blogged, and let me tell you, my life feels years from where I was last month. Firstly, we're nicely settled in our new home and loving it. It's a modest bungalow but we've managed to make it look like a comfy home for the three of us, and one elderly siamese cat of course. This last month flew by in a blur of wedding appointments, house renovations, child starting daycare, job interviews etc. What a ride. However, I can happily say that today, I sit here in my new dining room, writing this as a happily (newly) married wife. I am starting a new full time job on Tuesday, and my little bean will be going to daycare full time. I feel like a whole new woman. The job itself isn't the most exciting when I explain it, but I'm just happy to be out there again, doing something. And of course the paycheques wouldn't hurt now that we have a house to pay for.. I was so excited that I did some 'back to work' shopping, which was much-needed. It seems that since I've had a full time job (where I didn't wear a uniform) the styles have changed dramatically, and even though I'm doing really well in the weight department, my size has also changed. Or shifted, rather.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful and so many people told me it was the best wedding they have ever been to. It's funny, we didn't spend much on catering; just a buffet-style. The room was quaint (a nice way of saying small and crowded...slightly dated). It rained all day, and yet everyone had a great time? I think it was a culmination of open-bar (always a plus!) and the dance floor being jammed all night. I saw people dancing that I had no idea had moves! My parents included! So we all had a great night, and I couldn't have asked for a better Wedding day. And now I'm somebody's wife. Crazy. Almost as crazy as being somebody's mother.

Speaking of my little bean, she's doing so well at daycare that I'm actually looking forward to going back to work. She asks every morning if we're going to see "Sam and Melissa" her daycare providers. She rhymes off each child in her 'class' every evening and has even named some of her dolls after them.

The job; Its a book keeping place, and I'll be doing mostly reception and intro to books. Which to me is exciting because I feel like its the one area that I need to update on my resume. Its such a handy skillset to have, especially up here where jobs are extremely limited. I feel like the more I can offer an employer, the more set-apart from the crowd I am. I picture myself walking into an interview with one of those all-in-one music machines strapped to my back. Except instead of a tambourine, it's an Advertising Degree, and instead of an achordian its Experience in Graphic Design. Anyway, it's another chapter in my life that I'm looking forward to. I'm facing it with a fresh face and eager to learn attitude. And not to mention I get to look cute in my back-to-work clothes. Wow a reason to blow-dry my hair, finally!

I guess that's it around here...I was feeling rather nostalgic today as I took my daughter for our last Friday morning free-swim. I kept thinking of last September and how she was only 6 months old. In fact, she had just learned to crawl. Time has flown by, as now she is not only walking but RUNNING everywhere, and can say full sentences! Everyone tells me she's very early to be doing that though.. Still, amazing what a year does to a small person like her. What will come of our lives by next September?