Today is a bit of an emotional day around the house. We are going tonight to put our 20 year old cat down..I've been thinking about it all week, and wasn't very emotional at all until this morning..I guess just knowing that every thing she does today will be her last is hard for me to accept. She is very old though and her time is up, but I can't help but feel so guilty that we are making this decision for her. I guess it's worse to leave her living until she breaks a hip or falls down the stairs etc. but still..I'm so sad to see her go.

That said, my mood has extended to other areas of my life too. Lately I'm really starting to see people for who they are. Sometimes it's a good surprize, and I think 'wow I really 'get' them now.' and sadly more often it's the other way, and I think 'I need to distance myself from you.' I'm more or less saying that at my age I thought that I could freely choose who I wanted to hang around with, spend my time with etc. and if I didn't want to see someone, I simply wouldn't see them. But living in a small town it's hard not to run into those people at certain social settings, and on top of that there is always the added pressure of doing the mom-and-baby things all together too. I'm not saying I don't enjoy those, because I really do. I'm just saying that if I choose one day not to participate, or to do something else instead, I don't want to feel guilty about it. It seems very childish, and I wish I could somehow distance myself from the whole situation.

This new feeling I've been having has almost pushed me to remove myself from facebook. It seems that is the source of all my frustration..seeing posts I disagree with, seeing comments to others I disagree with etc. If I could just remove myself from that than it wouldn't matter. People would simply have to phone me to invite me somewhere, and if I didn't answer..well than hey I guess I couldn't go! Sometimes technology is not all that it's cracked up to be I guess.. The funny thing about it is that when I thought about removing myself from Facebook, I thought about my status 'No longer on facebook because I'm out living my life.' And then I thought about all the people that would click 'Like'. How ironic is that?? They like that I want my own life and I'm freeing myself from this thing that steals my time, yet they won't do it themselves? Anyway, in the end I just can't seem to tear myself away, but I'll just have to limit my usage, and only use it for my own purposes (i.e checking my own messages / wall etc.)

Wouldn't it be nice to just move somewhere remote where you didn't have all these problems????