Once again I find myself lacking motivation...what is it with me and summer and ice cream? Not only does it taste delicious, but it's also a great way to spend an afternoon or evening, walking to the ice cream parlor, which just so happens to be on the lake, in this beautiful pavillion where the sun is setting...It's all of those things that draw me to the ice cream shop, but it's also starting to show up in my mid-section which I just can't have. Twice yesterday I noticed my hubby looking down towards my middle and when I glanced down after that I noticed exactly what he was staring at..a big 'muffin top' hanging over my jeans..eww. How could I not have known? And here I thought I was starting to look good! It MUST be the ice cream, because I've been using the Bowflex almost every night and I actually have been noticing a difference in my arms and legs, but I guess I'm just not working my middle enough. Also, I've stopped going to any exercise program, where I used to go almost every day..Although I still had my issues back then too.. Anyway, before I go on I'd like to clarify something.. When talking about my 'hubby' I don't actually mean 'husband' as we are not yet married. However, we have been together for 10+ years in total so I feel that to call him my 'boyfriend' or even 'fiance' sounds as though we have just met, and we share a child together, a home, a car payment etc. so I feel it's only right to call him my 'hubby'. The reason I'm coming clean with this little white lie (if you will) is that we are actually getting married (finally!) in September. After a 3 year engagement I might add...Anyway, so I bought my dress back in January and got it a size 4...which was small when I got it but I figured I was still breast feeding then and that I would definitely lose weight before my Wedding in September..Well now it's less than 3 months away, and I tried on the dress the other day. My own Mother (bless her heart) struggled with the zipper and mentioned to me that I might want to lose 'a few more pounds..' How many? I asked..and her reply; 10. 10 LBS!!! I can't believe I'm still struggling with this weight..my daughter is 15 months old now, I should definitely be back to my regular size by now..I can't believe it. And I'm so dissapointed in myself because I actually thought that I WAS back to my normal size. I guess I was just wanting to believe that, because when I step on the scale, it has not budged since my last bout at the Cabbage Soup Diet.

I'm done with setting goal dates and promises to myself and cyberspace. I'm done with feeling bad for myself in the evenings when I'm just way too tired to exercise. The truth is that I do want to lose 10lbs. I would love that. And if it happens that will be great. But it's not like I look terrible right now. I'm thinner and more fit than a lot of people who haven't had a child yet! And the bottom line is I'm happy. I'm having a great time with my daughter and my 'hubby' and those walks to the ice cream shop are priceless memories we'll cherish forever. You can't find a better place to watch the sun go down, and my daughter is learning all about water and sun and sky while we lick our ice cream cones. If I were to die tomorrow it's those memories I'd want my family to remember..Not me at the gym, me eating a salad, or not getting an ice cream but just sitting there.. And the truth is I thought the wedding dress looked great on me just the way it was! Ok yes the zipper WAS hard to do up, but once it's up it's up! When it comes right down to it, this is me. And I think I've finally accepted that.